i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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