Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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