12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize