I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
