I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
