I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
