Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Operation Purity has been aborted
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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