: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
