i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
