I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
