I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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