Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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