you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
