Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
