Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
