he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize