dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
