Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
