So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
