he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
