Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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