She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize