Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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