my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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