Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
