Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
