The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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