I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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