Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
