Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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