who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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