I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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