just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
