i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
