i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
