I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
