I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
