A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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