can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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