The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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