Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The beer is more important than you right now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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