the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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