yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
