dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
