Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
