Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I currently don't understand fingers.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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