I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
