i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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