if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
