thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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