Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
