Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
