So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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