he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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