I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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