How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Little spoons don't ask big questions
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
