who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
