I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
