Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
