I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
