Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize