Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
