Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
