I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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