So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
