I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
