Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
