Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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