Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize