He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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