Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
