think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
