Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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